"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
