when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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