How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
