It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize