fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
