He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
