so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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