he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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