Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
how drunk are you?
Several
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
