I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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