I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize