Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Small penises have feelings too.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
