awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
