All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
