I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
