i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
