so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
