So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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