you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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