My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
