I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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