dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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