Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
