I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
