No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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