so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
