mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
