so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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