i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
