so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
