I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
