Just cropdusted the office
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
