Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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