Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
