I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
