I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
