Cold hands, warm shart.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
