Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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