Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dick very happy bro
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
