what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
