Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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