Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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