NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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