Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
someone owes me an orgasm
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize