I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't deserve a penis
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
