Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
