I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
