dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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