My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
