"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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