stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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