Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
