You're so nebulous sometimes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
