..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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