Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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