So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
