my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
