i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
