ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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