after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
