so explain again why im purple
no
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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