I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
