Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
