The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
