so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
