I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
