I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
