yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
