ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I intend to get homeless drunk
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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