I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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