just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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