Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
