the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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