Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
