he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
