Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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