MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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