I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
time to smoke my breakfast
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
