when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
