FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
