Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
