There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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